I love to dabble in Blind Items. It’s Clue with celebrities. One site, Blind Gossip, has been teasing a particular blind item that they promised was “huge.”
Today, we finally got the reveal to their long tortuous tease about “Lucky Guy”…
He thought he was so lucky. Big career, lots of money, big name, lots of pretty girls (famous and not) practically throwing themselves at him. Well, Lucky Guy’s luck is about to run out! Why? Because his latest girlfriend has a little surprise for him. It is something that will tie him to her forever. It is not something that he wanted or expected. And chances are he will find it more shocking than charming. So will you.
So who, what and WTF? It’s a Joe Jonas Sex Tape! Purity rings were en vogue for about 10 minutes, but sex tapes are 4 – EVA.
Jonas has been dating 28 year old Blanda Eggenschwiler. According to the rumor, a tape featuring Joe engaging in a number of carnal delights like, “drinking, doing drugs, and engaging in sex using a number of sex toys and BDSM devices, including dildos, a gag ball, and a slapper paddle” will be released on April 3, 2013.
At the beginning of the video, Joe and Blanda are sitting on the bed together. They are both drinking and smoking pot, and Blanda explains to Joe what she is going to do to him in detail.
They proceed to engage in multiple sex acts utilizing a variety of sex toys, including a large dildo, a gag ball, and a slapper paddle. Joe participates willingly, but seems less sure of how to use the sex toys, as well as how they will be used on him. He does not enjoy being paddled. At one point he has had enough and cries “Owww! Don’t do that anymore!” Blanda is the more dominant one in the video. At one point she inserts the dildo inside of herself, orders Joe to “lick my p**** juice off of it,” and he complies.
The tape was shot in a hotel room under the guidance of Blanda who is pretty much Queen of the Famewhores. She set up the room, the toys, directed and even hired professional photographer and videographer for the entire thing. Currently she is working with a celebrity sex tape distributor and will get 35% of the video’s profit. As soon as the tape hits the net, she plans pretending she had nothing to do with it and, under her deluded pattern of thinking, she will dump Joe once it “launches her career.”
See kittens, this is what happens when Kim Kardashian is somebody’s role model.
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