‘Top Chef’ Seattle Recap – Episode 12 #topchef

Last week on Top Chef, Josie’s slower than Jessica Simpson trying to do long division style forced Kristen to sacrifice her recipe in favor of time. This got her eliminated and I wanted to riot. WHY GOD IS JOSIE STILL THERE????

I digress, Stefan, Brooke and Sheldon rehash the surprise elimination of Kristen. Brooke states that if she had known the judges would toss talent aside and believe Josie’s excuses, she would have stepped up and said something. They are confident she will own ‘Last Chance Kitchen.’ Lizzie is stuck hearing Josie’s sob story in an awkward tear filled admission. Even Josie knows she should have gone home.

In the the Quickfire Challenge, Master Sushi Chef LORD RAWBUTAMAZING. The chefs are pretty much peeing their pants. Except for Sheldon who is setting fire to lemons. Seriously. Stefan is struggling to come up with an idea while Josh tries to figure out how to incorporate bacon.

The adorable little man dubs Lizzie and Josh as the bottom dwellers. Brooke and Stefan earn the top spot and Stefan wins the the Quickfire and $5,000.

David Chang, who Sheldon pronounces a “culinary badass,” joins Padma and Tom to reveal the Elimination Challenge. Tom makes it rain power as he name drops a slew of fellow “culinary badasses” that the chefs must cook fried chicken for. Josh eye rolls like Michelle Obama at the Inaugural Dinner as Josie talks about her “southern” heritage. Bitch is from southern FLORIDA.

They each must work in tiny kitchen spaces and they each have their own version of fried chicken. Josh is using his Grandpa’s recipe as Stefan is stuffing some creation. Meanwhile, Brooke has a mess of boneless/skinless blandness, Lizzie seems clueless and Sheldon has two different options.

The timer goes off and Josie, Sheldon and Lizzie are first to present their dishes. Lizzie gets a warm reception for her cutlet’s taste but scratch their heads wondering where the rest of the chicken is at. Josie’s “southern” fried chicken gets a musing round of mockery. She served it on a banana leaf that has a puddle of grease that chefs take a couple of jabs at while agreeing that she is clueless when it comes to her “southern” skills. One of the guests chefs, Michelle Berstein, can’t even eat it.

Fun fact…Michelle was one of the guest chefs that sent Josie packing on her first attempt at ‘Top Chef.’ [Insert a round of justice high fives.] Sheldon gets a positive review. They did note that he didn’t serve enough wings for everyone.

Stefan, Josh and Brooke present next. This is going to be a massacre. Stefan basically did a Cordon Bleu and Brooke had interviewed a couple of the guest chefs who were seeking employment before they made it big. Obviously she didn’t hire them and now she is serving them chicken on reality tv. Ouch.

Wolfgang Puck is there and he rips Brooke’s version of chicken. “Top Chef? This shouldn’t even be called Top Apprentice.” It’s an overcooked sliver of breast meat that looks like she dumped Shake N’ Bake on and called it good. Josh’s chicken packs tons of flavor, but lacks a crispiness. Stefan’s creation also gets a hearty round of laughs. His Cordon Blue doesn’t impress anyone.

bravo, top chef

Wolfgang has a delightful potty mouth. Bravo censors most of his commentary, but you get the point. It is obvious who will be on top. The chefs don’t find out until the following day. We are treated to the chefs musing about their dishes back at their digs. Stefan and Brooke sit on the balcony and agonize over their choices.

The next morning we get to see a soft side to Stefan as he calls his mother. He misses her and talks about her fight with Parkinson’s. It is a tender moment that is over quickly as Lizzie is being pestered by Josie who is fishing for a back pat for her chicken. She obliges and gives her a patronizing, “Yeah, it was delicious. Very moist.”

Finally, in the stew room, Padma surfaces and calls Josh, Sheldon and Lizzie to the judges table. They are all sweating, but they are the top hens at the party. Wolfgang pats Lizzie on the head before Josh gets a hearty back pat for his smoked concoction. Sheldon gets more praise for his chicken, but Josh takes the win and the prize of a years worth of wine. 365 bottles. Or 3-4 months for me.

Brooke, Josie and Stefan are sent to get their verbal smack bottoms. Brooke admits she over-thought the entire concept. Josie blames her fryer and time for her poor dish. Tom calls her out for wasting time. Instead of owning up to it, she goes on to say that Lizzie liked it. If you wondered what that sound is…it is me laughing at that sorry excuse. Tom briefly sinks to her immaturity level to point out, “I guess me, Wolfgang, Emeril, Padma, Michelle, Dave, and Vinny all don’t know what we are talking about.”

They move on to Stefan who defends that he doesn’t have a degree in Fried Chicken 101 because he didn’t grow up in America. Tom immediately points out that Wolfgang grew up in Austria and doesn’t have a problem whipping up a batch. Stefan then jumps to the defense that he wanted to put a twist on the concept. Padma isn’t buying it and asks how Chicken Cordon Bleu is a twist. He shuts up at that point as Padma notes he is a “such a bullshitter.”

Padma sticks up for Josie’s walking hot mess and wants to send Stefan packing for being a liar and daring to make Chicken Cordon Bleu. Tom wants to send Josie home.

In the end, Josie is finally…FINALLY…sent packing. Last Chance Kitchen will be awesome. Josie will face Kristen!

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