If “Hells Kitchen” and “The Surreal Life” had a bastard love child, it would be VH1’s new reality series “Famous Food.”

Due to premier this fall, the pseudo-celeb fest will feature former “Hills” star Heidi Montag, “Real Housewives of New Jersey” diva Danielle Staub, “Bachelor” Jake Pavelka,  “Sopranos” star Vincent Pastore, call-girl-turned-singer Ashley Dupre and Three 6 Mafia members “DJ Paul” Beauregard and “Juicy J” Jordan Houston.

This motley cast will collaborate with LA restaurateurs Mike Malin and Lonnie Moore to open a new restaurant called – you guessed it – Famous Food.

And did I mention it’s a competition? At the end of the show, Malin and Moore will make the cast member who screwed up the least a partner in the venture.

Sounds like a train wreck. Which is, of course, the key to the success of any reality series.

But at least now we know what Montag, Staub and Pavelka were filming earlier this month, when they were spotted at Café Med.