Top 19 Failed Sexy Album Covers
There have been some seriously terrible album covers throughout the years, but there’s a special place for those who try to imitate sexiness in their own way, and fail miserably.
19. Music To Massage Your Mate By
This album cover is just creepy. If you let someone in a mesh shirt massage you, then I hate to tell you, but the 70′s called and they want their creepiness back. It looks like he’s got more on his mind than a simple massage. He’s the one your parents warned you about. And bonus, it comes with an instruction manual. For what, we aren’t sure.
18. Rick James – Throwin’ Down
On this album cover, it looks like Rick James ripped off Conan the Barbarian’s neckwear, along with some leather studded leg warmers that he thieved from Lady Gaga. And what’s up with that wrestling belt he’s wearing?
17. Jim Post – I Love My Life
It looks like Jim Post is taking an outdoor shower and needs something to remove that dead rat from underneath his nose. Who thought this was sexy? Except for those folks from the fifties, you are all excused.
16. Prince – Lovesexy
“When U R in love”, apparently you take off all of your clothes and lay on top of flowers. Prince is a global icon, but there’s probably a reason I can’t remember any of the songs from this album. Oh Prince, you slay me.
15. John Travolta – Can’t Let You Go
Someone woke up the afro with this album cover. We’re not sure what faded, worn look John Travolta was going for and we don’t want to know. It’s from 1977, that explains it.
14. Orleans – Waking and Dreaming
So let’s take five naked dudes, tell a funny joke about shrinkage and SNAP! There’s your album cover. Lovely, just lovely.
13. Adam Lambert – For Your Entertainment
We’re seriously hoping that Adam Lambert wasn’t going for the sexy look when he did the cover for his debut album. I was expecting unicorns and sparkle and yet all I got was Adam in a ton of makeup with a weird expression on his face. We love you Adam, but next time, try something different.
12. Herbie Mann – Push Push
What was going on in the seventies that made people want hairy chested men on album covers? Hey Herbie, Magnum P.I. called, he wants his look back.
11. Tino Fernandez – Por Primera Vez
He’s so sexy that he’s basically pointing out the fact that he’s taken. See that wedding ring, ladies? That means he’s off the market. And you wanted him so badly.
10. Cher – Take Me Home
Cher was pressured into making a disco album with this release, but I have to wonder if she was pressured into wearing metal lingerie. That outfit screams, “Look, but don’t touch” (or you’ll wish you hadn’t).
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OOPS! I JUST LIKE THE ADAM’S COVER CD
THIS ANDROGYNY FACE IS BEAUTIFUL AND IS SEXY IF THIS KIND OF FACE YOU LIKE
AND IS DIFFERENT AND SOMETHING TO REMEMBER THAT IS MOST IMPORTENT EVEN YOU LIKE OR NOT
I LIKE
The Prince and Rick James covers are absolutely horrible. I have no idea what they were really thinking
The Prince album cover is terrible — no question there.
But the album itself is actually quite good. In fact, his royal badness could boast a Top 40 hit: “Alphabet Street.” Other tracks like “Glam Slam” and even the title cut (“Lovesexy”) became club favorites. We can certainly make fun of Prince’s visual aesthetic sense, but no one can deny his success. If you get the chance, pick up this disc, tear the cover off and enjoy the fine music within.
take care
—Jones()
[...] 1. Album Covers that are Supposed to be Sexy [...]
Saw this on Cracked.com already.