I am going to get down to brass tax with the American Idol recap. A bunch of old people sang a bunch of old songs. You’re up to speed on the first half of the show.

Lil Rounds was quickly called out and sent home because the music gods were feeling merciful. This poor girl was begging to be put out of her misery. While revealing the final 2 of the bottom dwellers Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest got into a small bitch fight. They must have forgotten to spoon last night after the show.

Anoop and…gulp…my boo Allison were sent to the awful stools on the opposite side of the stage. Enter David Archuleta singing, “Touch My Hand.” For a teenager he lacks endurance. He appeared to be having a small heart attack after his puberty enhanced performance. Lucky for him he wasn’t going to feel the wrath of Simon telling him he is terrible and Kara saying he needed to be sellable and should have bedazzled Ford and Mac’s logos on his jacket.

Finally Anoop was also finally sent home to seek solace in his closet full of Abercrombie and Fitch.

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