The number one cause of crabs is being sent into orbit. Thank you sweet, sweet baby Jesus. Paris Hilton will now be Luke Skywalker’s problem. Or her quote was being falsified as a giant tease by the Brits to get us gullible Americans to take the bitch back.

“The socialite is one of many celebrities – believed to include singer Moby, Star Trek star William Shatner and Alien actress Sigourney Weaver – hoping to board Richard Branson’s first-ever commercial space flight, Virgin Galactic, but admits she is worried about going into orbit.”

True or not, she might not even make it to the launching pad. The intellectual wonder fears she won’t come back for 10,000 years.

She said: “I’m very scared to do it. What if I don’t come back? With the whole light years thing, what if I come back 10,000 years later, and everyone I know is dead? I’ll be like, ‘Great. Now I have to start all over.’”

This is what we get for letting her watch “Spaceballs.” Damn movies. You know that is the reason she went to Africa. She saw the “Lion King” and wanted some of that action.

What Others Said:

The Blemish – “Her flight will make a special trip directly into the Sun. “That Paris Hilton. What a pioneer!,” they’ll say. First person to almost land on the Sun without disintegrating.”

Celebitchy - “Paris has obviously been researching for this trip into space, by watching endless re-runs of Star Trek and Red Dwarf. Does she realize that she’s not actually the first person to go to space?”

[NZ Herald]