Kenny Chesney who is still deep in the closet with Tom Cruise. Oh don’t even act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. He is still freaked out that Renee Zellweger dumped his ass rather than be his beard. Kenny was so hurt that he ran away to hunt cabana boys in the Virgin Islands, I mean to work on his new album ‘Lucky Sun’.

“I got in a plane and went down to the Virgin Islands. I was completely by myself. I didn’t want to be around anybody,” tough bitch Chesney says. “So the next thing you know, it’s me and a pen, and I sat down and wrote a lot of lines of this song, ‘Nowhere to Go, Nowhere to Be.’”

Kenny is ready to move on to his next cowboy..er his next love. I heard that Tom Cruise and Ricky Martin went to his house to cheer him up. They made popcorn and cried over Jake Gyllenhaal in “Brokeback Mountain”. No… I made that up but you know it could happen!

Meanwhile, here are the lyrics to the pity party.

Like an empty bottle washed up by the waves,
Like an old scooter slippin’ slowly to it’s grave,
Like ghosts of old sailors caught smowhere in time,
Like a lone palm watch the world unwind…

Nowhere to go and nowhere to be,
“Trinidad Charlie” on a stool next to me,
Readin’ his book bout the “have” and “have-nots,”
In between chapters we take another shot.
And one by one we slide from reality,
With nowhere to go, and no where to be…

There’s jerk chicken grillin’ on the grill.
Sure feels good for some time to be still.
Even if its only for a little while.
Sight of the sails in the wind makes me smile.

Days turn into night,
When you’re stuck in still life.

And you got nowhere to go and nowhere to be,
“Trinidad Charlie” on a stool next to me,
Readin’ his book bout the “have” and “have-nots,”
In between chapters we take another shot.
And one by one we slide from reality,
With nowhere to go, and no where to be…

[US Magazine]