Jennifer Lopez has been extremely stingy with every detail of her future offspring that will no doubt resemble Gollum with Marc Anthony as the father. Poor kids.

News of the delivery of the babies swept through the net via email tips and reports from those pesky sources that remain anonymous. Looks like “Jennifer Lopez Gives Birth” taglines will have to wait. The due date is still as elusive as the lost ark. Guesstamations have pointed to early February. I wait on baited breath.

J.Lo’s thunder might be jeopardized anyway. Angelina may be preggers with a set of twins of her own. Her rep has yet to deny any baby allegations that Star Magazine started. Apparently Brad’s swimmers were having trouble navigating the withered tubes of Jolie and they used in vitro to get the job done.

Oooo, I can just see Jennifer getting all pissed and calling up Ang and waving her little finger around as she screams, “Bitch put down my treats and step out of my light! Just because my name is Jen doesn‘t mean I won‘t kick you in the face. I‘m from the Bronx you floppy puta!”

[Star Magazine]